Don't spray your Christmas tree with hairspray. It might keep your christmas tree nice and green, but once your tree is burnt to a crisp, it won't be nice and green anymore.
Don't worry about eggnog. So what? 10,000 calories in each sip? Meh, who cares!
If it's Christmas eve, and you're on a MMORPG trying to get all the special rare Christmas items, it's prolly time to get off...
Don't go around telling little kids Santa doesn't exist. Because it's obvious he does! Who else would be stupid enough to tresspass into your house and steal cookies year after year after year...
In order to get what you want, say candy from a baby, keep saying how Santa is watching him and the kid will do anything. It's a piece of cake!
When shopping, be aggressive. Who cares if it's an old granny holding a baby? You want that limited addition lead lightsaber, so just push her out of the way. If you have to, beat her until she stops moving. She'll forgive you. It's the season of love right?
Don't eat the mistletoe. There's a reason it's up so high.
Those cute little ribbon bow things on your presents aren't' meant to be put in your hair. It'll hurt when you take them out. A lot.
Sing super loud when you sing Jingle Bells. Dance around a bit too. In fact, go into a super market, commandeer the speakers, and sing to the whole store. Spread the love!
Don't kill your evil poodle as a main dish for Christmas dinner. No matter how tempting it is...
Don't kill your in-laws over Christmas. That means that many fewer presents next year!
Don't ask Santa for a deathnote. It doesn't matter if you promise him you'll only kill criminals, he still won't give it to you. Besides, he keeps his deathnotes for himself.
Christmas is not, I repeat, NOT just a holiday American made up to increase economics. Who ever told you that, is a Scrooge.
NEVER visit the North pole to visit Santa. Even if you happened to survive the bitter cold, wild animals, exiled elves, and rabid reindeer, you'll never find Santa's lair. It's underground.
Santa doesn't surf on a snow board in California, so don't try to get a snapshot of him hanging ten. You'd have more luck waiting on your rooftop all night. In the snow...and possible rain, in the cold...at night...
Fruit cake doesn't go with anyone. Never give it away, because it'll come back. Like heartburn!
Don't drink too much "yummy eggnog". It's not good for your mental health. And NEVER go caroling drunk. It will turn out bad. Very bad.
Yellow snow is never good. Never.
Snowball fights are fun. Specially if your hide rocks in some of them.
Don't wait to go shopping, you'll end up in barnes and nobles, trying decide between the series of unfortunate events one and the rubber ducky one.
Santa NEVER gives puppies. Just give it up. Heck, you're never gonna get one.
Don't turn on the radio or the tv. All you're gonna hear is Jingle bells and It's a Wonderful Life. Over and over and over.
Be as bad as you can be though out the year. I mean have you ever met some one who did coal. You'll always get good stuff.